Friendship

This is a blog that I would like to dedicate to just my friends :) Excluding my family,these ppl are also some of the most important ppl that is part of my life =)
First we all hv to thank you GOD who made our path crossed to meet each other ,agree ?I dunno bout u guys but to me HE is the one to thank the most. <3

First person on my list is Beh Beh,my 12 years best buddy =) Most of u noe her n would know she is my best friend:) she has always been there for me and the person that I will talk almost everything to.She is the light when I'm down.She is the girl that I grew up with since primary untill now,the person that knows me best is her besides my family la >.< She gets me that's y she is my best friend and also my best therapist in the world cuz I go to her when I'm going insane.She's my total angel.<3

The second person who knows me best is my 2nd godfather Peng Peng =) heheh... He gives me good advise and helps me through my toughest time whenever and wherever.He thinks very rasional and he is the knight that comes to pick me up when I fall down =)He is Also a very comforting person to be with XD But he is my best friend too and I've known him for 7 years now and he is family to me :)

Fatt Fatt and Sim :) Fatt is my pet brother and sim is my 3rd Godfather:) XD They are like the best ppl to have fun with:) Without them its just not the same because they bring laughther and fun in my life :) so thank you both for all the fun timesss^^ muz go more trips wit u all ~kekek

Shirly & Vivian tan , these two are my senior at work last time but now there still my seniors^^ hehe~ its not because they are older den me,its because they give advice at work and always help me a lot and hv fun wit :) so sad to hv to miss the thailand trip wit u guys :( but I love u guys^^

Maggie:)She is the most rasional thinkier of all and she and her darling makes me envy her for the sweetness they have. Hahah XD She also is the person that I tell my feeling to :) she gets it and she always pushes me hard enuh to wake up and start walking n nt gv up ^^

Swen <3 she is juz the sweetest girl plus very open minded (not 'that' type of open minded ) person.She has thought me how to be a happier person in life and how to let go things that are meant to let go:)She was also beside me at one of my times of trouble ,she stands up for her friends and she is a hard core girl~I admire her and her simple thoughts.Although I haven't know her for a long time but she just teaches me alot^^ hehehe..." Juek pai ye..." Hhaha XD

Neexxt is Renee :) She's a beautiful and successful girl.She is very modest and I dun know why would ppl nt like her.she too harrd not to love ^^ she is my best shopping buddy,my crying shoulder ,my very sweet companion in life <3She also has been there at my weakest moment in life and I thank her for that^^

Evie !<3 now this girl is my hardcore companion to go shishaa wit XD I was juz kidding bout tat but she is the best to go shishaa wit:) She has a same dream career as me ^^she is my big sista my family^^She comforts me a lot and has my back all times:)I appreciate her for being there for me just like family does^^

My newest member of family Cyrus dydy,my 4th Godfather :) Nw I haven't known him very long but he is just like family too^^He cares and shares a lot of his experiences inn life a lot and sometimes it teaches me things^^hehe...he brings me out a lot wit evie and also together wit his lovely partner which is my Godmother joanne^^She is also a very nice girl.They are my newest family added to my big big family tree^^There is alson wilson au which will nvr dare forget to mention,haha,he is my "jie fu"^^he teach me hw to shisha together wit dydy cyrus=) hahaah~

There is a person which played a very imporrtant part in my life and that is geoffrey(jeffz).Many of u might be strange of y I would hv anything to thank to him.well,he is a gud person and he thought me how to love myself and respect myself.He thought me how to grow up and make me realise a lot in life.His not all bad,I've wrongged him too and what we have been through is an experience in life that I would not skip because he thought me how to love.It was a bitter sweet time and without his part in my life I think I would not learn how to grow up.So,I do not hate him and he just like all of u,a family and friend =)

Next,Albee:) very recently met,she is hyper active and very noisy but she is she and I love that about her^^without her voice,the shop will be a bore^^heheh<3

I will not forget Chinn Thean,Larry Kum,Tan kian wee and bryant lee(1st godfather)=) They are my primary chen moh friends.I may not know much about them much butt they are my childhood friends and miss them all so so so much!Without them in class last time,it would have been super diff^^ They are the ppl I knew the longest in my life:)and I want to get to know them more and we're all grown up so we shud go out more often^^heheh

This is a very long list but there are more.those that I didn't mention,its not that I forgot u guys or anything ,u all are important to me so dun forget that^^
Without these ppl in my life,I won't be who I am today so I love all of them so much<3
If given a chance to change something in my life,I will not change because they are the ppl that make my life interesting^^My big big family tree^^ <3heheh...
PS : sorry for the super long blogging ... Heehehe

Happening nite .

Last nite after opera around 3 something I had an accident.Dun worry it is ntg minoR its juz a lil scar left at my cars butt~but I was scared cuz I crashed into a bmw and the driver happens to be an indian wit his indian fren~lucky my fren at tat time came n help me to setle~the guy juz wanted money n all n so in the end after 30mins debat,we went to balai polis n make report and tat guy juz took off when he heard we want to make report=.=dun understand wad wrong wit him but at last wit GOD's covering,its considered sttle for nw :)
The next thing is the guy (Alviss Kong) really jumped n died.I feel so sorry for him n I think it was childish of him at the same time.But he has the guts to suicide and not to live on.It is not my opinion to expreSs but juz want to wish him to rest in peace and may this not happen to another person. I hope non of my frens will do such thing.
RIP ALVISS KONG.
FIN

disaapointment

This month is suppose "the" month of the year for me.But becuz of my stupidity,I juz messed up my life once again =.= I missed out my interview for malaysian airlines all because I thought they would call instead of email~i didn't check my email~and I prayed to GOD for it n HE did response , just that I let it slipped out of my hand~So,I will have to wait the second interview which is I dunno when will that be.Nw,I dunno what is the next step I shud take~my career is hanging by a thread.I dunno what I path I shud take.so,this month,I plan to go pd with my frens on christmas week.I juz hoping to go cuz I wan n need it to get all this restlessness off.I cancelled my trip to thailand on jan instead I would go to another trip around jun or july~hmm~i just let myself down only~aizz~

Time is nt a fren

Time passes by so fast~in juz a while~its already december,every1 preparing christmas pressies n holidays n everrything.Suddenly everything pass so fast that I juz felt a waste of another year~aizz~
I hv career crisis,I'm waiting n waiting n hoping tat MAS will call me for interview and its nt called yet ~ TT^TT I dunno wad path shud I tk?I dunno wad GOD has laid out for me??its all according to his plan n I put my faith into HIM!
Anywayz,I feel kindda lonely n hv been a bit socially out~its like I dunno~work home work home den sometimes go for yam char~even I do not noe wad I shud do on my off day~i use to hv a bf to spend wit bt nw its like where do I find some1 ti spend wit~ughhh~its boring~
Moodddyyy TT^TT

closed chapter . Fin .

The most complicated n yet important chapter of my life has been closed and sealed.I hv found acceptance and closure,and I hv let it out of my grip.I feel free n totally light nw.I do not hold a grudge nor hate to him anymore.I hv found to accept of what it is left of both of us nw,n I feel totally free n light weight.This mEeting was awful but it has brought me to find my way out n let it go n to finally close n end this chapter of my life.I actually would like to thank him for it.If it isn't for him,I would not be hw I am today n I believe I will be more successfull den ever on my own from nw :)
I'm turning 20 next year and I only wan to focus on getting my shop open n earning my money.I require my full focus and also hard work.I want to make it to the top like every successful person has.
2 years to build my pavement to success.
A chapter ends but another new chapter begins.
Fin.

Peeps!!^^

Location : coco banana,sunway
Guest : evie , ck , rachel,wilson,n many more
Date : last nite <3

Heheh~last nite gathering with some of my old pals:)although the place sucks,which really was sucky~haha~but I had a great time wit them:)
I got an extra godfather last nite too~heheh~
Another thing is I met a guy and so coincidently his best fren is my fren,hahah...small world~
Had a very nice nite dancing my nite away wit my gurfrens^^heheh
Muax<3

Xoxo , tat all peeps!!<3

BlogZ...

I am too free now....its like soo nothing to do which means low income... =(
I hv finally fallen sick nw...feels so so san fuuuu =( wuwuwu, wan to cry .... oulnt get any nice sleep yesterday....i woke up den slp den wake again den slp...
Anyway,i feel so wea these few days....got to admit,m body is feeling like a 50 year old rather den a 19 year old ><
Wad special today??? wellli hv failed my conquest to not think bout relationships....yeayea,its hard but i got through it so ntg special bout it...
Anyway,next month is christmas monthCannot waitttttt !!!!!!

shisha Escapade :)

Location : Al-Safa ,nearby 1u
Activity : shisha n mamak food <3
Guest : M3 & Evi3 <3

Last nite I went for shisha wit my dear fren evie :)it was my first time shisha ,hahha~i say,its quite nice n fun,n its cheap >.<
"Mamak food n drinks + shisha + cooling place + nt anywhere near puchong(boring edi puchong) = new place to hang out^^ "
It certainly is different than smoking,I mean by taste~plus u dun end up like smoke smell at the end of the day,u'll smell sweetttt^^
Its fun to hv went wit my fren,its like another way to relax n release stress>.<
I can say I hv a new activity nw!!hahha,its not all bout clubbing n yam cha anymore,its an extra activity called shisha!XD
All thx to my dear fren evie who suggested for shisha nite,n also my sister who intro the place n leon(sis bf) for guiding me the way n a flavour to shisha:)
Happy<3

MEMOIR

It has happened and has been done.Its only gonna be a fadded memory.

I hv done something that I would not have done a year ago.It may come to some of my frens surprice or it may not.For me,it was the hardest thing that I did.It was for the best of me,for once I just wanted something gud n healthy for myself n think for myself n not someone else.Many might its stupid or a very drastic action to tk.Remember the blog that I wrote so angrily to him tat I said I didn't wan anything to do wit him n bla bla bla~yea,I won't tk bck my words.The reason I'm blogging abt it nw is bcuz I don't wan anymore judgement towards me or any gossips bout it.
Y I did it is bcuz anymore communication wit him would make me volnurable.I can juz fall bck in to the same path and go bck to him whenever he wants me to.I am that weak,n I hv done this action bcuz its to ensure tat I forget bout him n nvr fall bck into my past actions.
I don't want to lose myself bcuz of him or anyone else.Do u noe how it feels to totally lose yourself?its like,u dun even noe who u r when u look into a mirror,u can't believe that u would do such things,u keep wondering y or where or what.Its hard to exlain,n I hvost myself for him,I'd die to do anything for him bt nw its different bcuz I noe our differences.I admit,I still hv feelings for him bt one day,that feeling will wash away.I find it hard not to hv any news or msg or calls from him but I juz hv to go thriugh the time healing thing n I will juz be fine.Don't u see,I need to be a stranger towards a guy I once loved madly about bcuz Its my only way to forget bout him.
Maybe in another few years n if we ever meet again den we can be frens again.If "u" are reading this,I juz wanna say I'm sorry for doing this,I'm sorry for wad I did in the past ,I'm sorry for being so irratating to u.Personally for me,I think u hv done a great job in ur life,I juz hope the best to u n I hope u find the best gal for u:)
I also want to tell all my frens that u r all the bst for being there n slapping me up to my sensese :)muax
<3

Future

I hv thought out for few days abt hw n wat I'm gonna do for my future career~First thing is I'm gonna hand in my resume to M.A.S cuz I plan to join the cabin crew as a flight attendant.while waiting for their reply,I'm gonna stick wit parttime jobs den after my trip bck from thailand on january 2011,if I dun get a reply den I might go to plan B which is join bck london weight management.My next goal is to get a condo bck 1st.Within 2years,I wanna build my capital for my shop n when I'm 21,I'm gonna open my shop.Its gonna be a very rough ride but I muz muz muz make it bcuz its wad I wanna archive in my life!R ya all wit me??^^
I pray tat GOD will help me in a lil miracle along the way^^
N wit all my dear close frens,I'm sure I'll survive it.

Its My Life,FUCK OFF!

This is a shout out n a special dedication to an asshole n a jerk of a lifetime tat I met n loved n gone nutz n cried over him for a year. From this day onwards,I'm telling "u",I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH U anymore.I don't care u smoke or hwever ur bussiness is or wadever ur great n bz life is,o do not want to hv to do a lil bit of it n I do not ever wan to hear from u ever again.Dun msg me,dun call me,dun bbm/wat's app me,dun fucking ask sex from me,dun ever let me see u again!I hv cut out all connections to u as I really really wan u to fuck off!I hate u!U're the worst guy I ecer met,I dunno y I love u,I dunno y I say u're gud when u're an asshole.GO AWAY,I wan my life to be free of u 4ever,dun think bout me,u dun hv the rights to think or even miss our past ir anything.u do not deserve me.u're board of me,well so am I of u!U can hate me or wadever,I dun fucking care.if u see me,dun say hi,walk away bcuz I won't even say hi n I'll pretend to not noe u!This is hw much u hurt me until I juz need u to step out of my life.I dun care if u think its stupid or wadever,its my way to tell u FUCK OFF!

It doesnt matter.

I finally get to see my friends wedding photo.she's so pretty.I've gotta admit,I do hv a bit of envy~haha~they look so happy n kindda perfect for each other ><
Nwayz,today working full shift,like omg...so boring but den my supervisor nt here so I'm still a free gal:)
Halloween is coming soon means its gonna be PARTY!!!heeheh~
Happy happy^^

decision decisions

i haven blog in a long long time....so many stories...
but i hv been living up n happy this time :)
its juz a tiny bit of problem...he said he wants to make it right...which means he wants another chance.not immedieatly bcuz he doesnt hv time for relationship n i dun wanna be in one nw...but in the meanwhile,he tries to fix it den when its right,he only will propose to be together....he hasnt been trying very hard to do anything lately , i juz dun feel his willingness in it...aiks...
i wont put much hope in it as i am afariad it will only end up as a big disappoinent...
so all i do now is try to think of a new job and den earn 5k before january 2011.shit!

The truth always hurts bcuz its reality

It nvr occur to me of how much I did love him.Not even when I was with him,not even when I was close to him or even when we made out or love.But I doubt he ever has this strong feeling as I hv for me.I can nvr understand him,I nvr can noe y,I nvr can noe his feeling for me.I felt complete when we used to be together but nw,even after 2 relatuonships,I still don't feel complete,like there is something left out.I don't think he ever was serious bout me.Even though it was crap of him the way he treated me like I was juz a free prostitute ,but we did hv a very gud time too.I always miss the way he kissed my forhead once n gently said I love u to my ears.He will nvr remember it bcuz he nvr do.Yes,after so long we broke up,I'm still in love with a crap n jack ass bastard.I wonder y.heh...Yesh,his name is geoffrey,but we would nvr be 2gether bcuz he n me,the spark is too much.He doesn't remember anything anymore.I hate him yet I do love him very much n deeply in my heart.He will nvr understand wad I would feel bcuz he has no clue to how much I went through but I doubt he had interest in it.I'm juz an idiot still pacing through a past memory.Reality hurts!

Let me tell U how i feel!

I feel hurt,stupid and also an idiot for giving second thoughts that if u were about ur request.And then u just dissappear or more like ignored me.U r always hot and cold towards me.I cannot understand whether u r just joking around with me or u think that its ok just get wad u want from me n just leave without being responsible bout it.i cannot know when u r serious!u nvr understand me cuz all u ever asked me about is wad u always want.Stop for a minute n think bout it.U push me aside n den u ask me to be happy den u say u want to step bck in my life n u retreat bck out.is this a joke?do u noe how hurtfull it is.Do u wad a pain n agany i went through juz to push my feeling for u all the bck n behind.Do u noe how much i thoght i was going insane or i was insane when u just left me without a sign tat u even cared.U hv problems?well so do i!Open ur eyes,u're not the only 1 who has.Have u tk time to get to noe me?get to noe wad i want?asked wad i wanted for once in ur life?Do u noe how much i went through when u were not here.All i wish for...u wouldnt understand.This song is to show u how i feel.

David Cook - Always Be My Baby lyrics | LyricsMode.com

Juz want someone tat can hold me tightly n nvr let me go.

I hv to admit tat the most relaxing n safe place is not wat I can feel in my house nw.I dunno y but I still haven found the person tat can gv me security n always will make me feel "its all gonna be alrite" feeling.all I wan is a simple n innocent enuh relationship but I guess the rite person for me has nt come out of the act yet.its nt any1 u find,its tat special feeling inside u tat tells u its "him" instantly~i wish I can wish for a new begginning of life,to be renewed.

Recollecting old memoirs~

As weird as it seemns but life is really a big big big circle,n when u think bck of the times,u'll see tat it always comes bck to square one only it gets better this time.
September 18th 2008,the very 1st time I felt real true love n craziness n everything else for a person.Everything abt my life changed since tat day on my very bday.Den it comes to January 2009,I came to pyramid n started to work.The very 1st place I felt enjoying to work in.Relationship fails a lot tat time but my freindship blooms,n den I left tat very place filled with emotions of sad,joy,happy,fun n misery to start at another place,but things only got complicated n worse but in all those situation,I had my lessons n I grew from it.Its not all bad,of course I hv frens who stud by me all the way till this very day:) May 1st 2010,I came bck to the very 1st place that witness my 1st step of life change.funny but this time,I know more n I choose my options wisely.n my frens grew bigger n more :)

A girl that has a special guy fren but not your bf.

I find the phrase "每个女孩都有一个不是你男朋友的男朋友。"there is also a video on it at youtube.I find it very true.I admit that I do have.This is a fren , aguy fren n he is not fren any fren u noe from or any working place but juz random.u n him can connect in many ways but hv nvr realise tat u r not couples. That thought nvr came to me when I met this guy. He is some1 that I know in or got to know in a weired way n our freindship has lasted since then till now. I can relate to him n so can he n I can be so comfortable with more than anyone else.he is seemingly sweet n caring n cute.(No,it is not ryan!)But I can say that we juz hv a special connection but nvr thought to be couples.I admit I do like him b4 but it nvr oCcur to me if he did but It doesn't matter.I like the way we r nw.Its always comfortable to noe that I hv someone special n connective n understandable of me to go to or cry to in bad or sad times.He is special in many ways to me.How abt u??

Complicated mind

They say when u meet the right person,ur senses starts to not make sense.Wad we read in novels when they tell u tat u will feel tat "zingy" feeling inside u or in other case ,ur stomouch stars to summer slault.we all thinl that is bullshit n crap but to many in the realistic world,they hv felt it b4.I definitely hv nvrr had tat feeling n I'm not a strong beleiver of it.I hv literally given up on relationships or those sweet love or watever since my 3rd relationship failed n tore me apart so badly.Since den I hv chosen a safe path but yet nw I am at my 5th relationship n its going down the drain,I feel it n sense it n there was no sparkle at all in my current relatinship.
Yesterday,a heart pounding n mind aching thing had happen,lil did I noe the pet brother that I always hv wan to protect from the likes of ppl like myself kissed me.I noe he likes me but I juz don't think I'm "d" gal for him.He is very sweet n honest n the innocents I see in him is still there n I really don't wan him to lose tat.I am not proud of wad I hv did in my past n I am not proud of my lifestyle nw.I don't want him to be hurt,I juz wan him to be happy.n nw, we r not in talking terms.I feel so guilty n I feel hurt at the same time tat our frenship has juz stop there,at tat night,at tat kiss.I wish things were the way they used to be,I wish he could juz understand how much he means to me but I can't make it more than tat bcuz I juz can't even understand wat I want.I hv a strange feeling for him but I juz don't know wad it is.The moment his lips touched mine,I was almost out of controll,I had to force myself to pull bcuz in the bck of my head,it didn't wan to stop juz there.he was right that I had second thoughts in my head at that moment but I cannot do it.its not the right time n not the right thing.- juz don't know wat to do n wad I want.I only wish nw tat we could heal bck our frenship.

The meaning of life

I am here in my work place,blogging with my bb~
I was juz thinking wad lifes meaning is?
Wad it would have been if I was still studying~
Wad would it be like in the next 30 years of my life...
I am 19 n I hv nvrr felt haPpier in my life,I hv loves n crazied it out n doing stupid things.I learnded a lot,but not enuh yet~i am satisfied but not so satisfied yet but I wanna noe wad holds in my twisted life is worth living for.

The meaning of life

I am here in my work place,blogging with my bb~
I was juz thinking wad lifes meaning is?
Wad it would have been if I was still studying~
Wad would it be like in the next 30 years of my life...
I am 19 n I hv nvrr felt haPpier in my life,I hv loves n crazied it out n doing stupid things.I learnded a lot,but not enuh yet~i am satisfied but not so satisfied yet but I wanna noe wad holds in my twisted life is worth living for.

Shishhhhhhh!!!!

Oh god!I juz got myself into a freaking boring talk!!stupid stupid!I didn't plan to spend my oFf day at a talk!now my whole off day is ruin!oh my god!!!I'm like having a super masive headache!oh how am I gonna have my off day a fun day~

Differences made in a short time

Yesterday was a dead beat tired day,after going out with one of my best fren (renee).we talked about almost everything since the last we met which is like half to a year ago.I realise how much changed in just a year.the time we hv no car to now we hv our very own car,the time when we were crazy bout a guy till now tat we can hide n shuv it a side.Obviously we grew a lot more mature but tat comes wit a price which is burden.we all grow n so as our burden...we each hv respective responsibilities.For u guys I don't know but for me is to pay my car on time n hv enuh money...O.o hahah...nah~those are juz mere things in life,wad really is different is how the way I live now,not so sad n desperate like last year(gud thing!),hv a stable income n live my life according me n not to please others.how about urs?hv u thought how fast time passes n wad has changed in a short amount of time? :) think about it,U'll open ur eyes even bigger when u think it through~
Last bt nt least a song dedicated to my past of a broken heart.

Love the way you lie,by enimem n rihanna.(This sopng speaks to me)
Go youtube it,hahah,bb is not all magic like a laptop:)

Blurting or expressing?Moody~

Today is a very moody for me.I don't know y but my feelings today are so heavy in my heart.I feel total lost of life's dirrection~My manager has been telling me so much of things happening in her life,its kois to her n is driving her to the brink of crazziness n soon to a pychitrist.I've been wondering maybe I am at the brink of losing it myself too!My mind can't just focus n I hv been thinking so much lately but abt wad ,just abt everything n it juz gvs me feeling of uncertainty.when I think of turning to a fren or any1,I thought through n there was no 1 in my list tat I could told.That made me feel even worse .0feelings r a heavy thing n dun wanna feel so heavy feelings,its such a heavy n endless burden inside me.I feel I can juz go jump of a building easily.
I hv been also poundering of my feelings tat r still stuck in the past,I don't y but I still hv a slight wound tat hasn't closed n maybe its ME!Maybe I hv been too stuborn to move forward when he already did.I don't know~I'm really starting to lose it.Losing the touch of reality n world infront of me.

blogging with my bb for d 1st time...

Last nite I almost went to genting but didn't go cuz no money go casino:(den I also almost got a chance to meet up with him but den was too tired n I didn't noe the place so...but I'n glad for how we r now:)
I'm now at work n sales is like shit but I jv the wonders of bb^^I love my bb:)^^I wan to thx my frens n my sis for introducing me to bb n also to my dealer for bb^^

Wish

Everybody has a wish.
I hv lots of wishes ^^
I'm gonna realitixez (not sure if there is such word ><) 2 of my wishes...^^
1st wish - I wanna get a blackberry (my phone is gonna break edi...)
2nd wish -I wanna get my very first branded gucci bag & wallet ^^ (so excited)
Within one month i'm gonna get both (hopefully)

Anywayz,i think i'm addicted to drinking edi..(CRAP)
Nowadays,almost every week i hv to go for either clubbing or a beer sit down...haha
Its fun with my bunch of noisy frens ^^
Any1 who wants a drink with me,dun hessitate to msg me...hahaha

So board now...aiz...at cc n so lag everything....=..=

1 of the song that i find meaningfull :


Airplanes lyrics

What If's...

What if this world was not round....Impossible...
I have been thinking so much lately...of what i dont know...
Girls can think of so many things that guys can juz gaze with their head blank for 15 mins...
I am undecided,life is so unpredictable.I hate life of reality.
What if things went well everyday?
What if there is always a happy ending?
What if this world is like a fairy tale ?
What if we all hv what we want?
What if love is always sweet and not painfull?
What if there is no sadness at all?
What if all the emosions we have is good n happy?
What if ... so many things we wish for...



Lyrics | Timbaland Lyrics | If We Ever Meet Again Lyrics

BACK IN ACTION =)

Yesh...i'm bck after how long of not blogging...my comp crash so i hv no time nor conveniant access to blog...aiz...sad sad story...wad hit me to blog bck now?well...i feel board n it ran over my mind...part of it is that excuse ... another part is reality struck me yesterday.A hard reality!
Three months ago, a dear friend of mine or rather a special person to me,was admitted to rehab n it was 3 months.he came nck last week n really changed.I'm of course happy for him =)
We met up yesterday morning,and of course after 3 months,we had to update each other....
So we spoke den we departed but we did msg at night.
That is when i realise of wad we spoken that kind of make me 'wake up'.He asked a very interesting question and i was struck by it on how to answer.but den as i thought abt it,i answered the question unexpeectedly.I couldnt beleive that i would say it n live up to it.It was that very moment that i realise n i woke up that there was such a difference between us after 3 months n i finally understood wad he meant by 'it would be better for us to be apart ' the last itme he said it.
It was a sad n painful hit to my heart n head but it was struck so clear that i know that is the truth n i finall acccept it.He woke me up in so many ways n his change helps me to be better in life too.
He already has a special place in my heart n he always will cuz to me nobody can replace him but i know we both would move on.I wish him best in everything n i wish him the courage that he needs in the future.Though it is impossible den i shall keep memories of us 4ever in my heart.
Reality is harsh!
Finaally...a song for everyone n personally meaningfull to me ^^

Expressions that cannot be describe by others.

So,i'm gonna have an interview in another 7 hours time.Y i'm not asleep...i dunno...but all i cant think of is valentines day is coming,and its not gonna be as crowded as ever.Most of my frens has their partners while i'm still single n not get over with by him....but....i guess life is juz nvr fair....but i could nvr think he really got over me so fast.....i guess its bck to me alone..i feel lonely already....

I hope 'U' All Understand

The last i ever touch this thing was when i wanted to start over my life again.Turns out,the new life juz went backwords.I cannot describe my life in words anymore.The more i grow the more burden n fears keeps appearing n i tend to run.The world has open my eyes and the truth is,there r no miracles and fairy stories.Love comes n goes n leaves a scar especially when its the one u can nvr 4get.frens comes and stay but not many hardly stick by ur side for long.I;m jobless now,i hv not income coming in.i hv fewer frens n i hv no connections with my family,n i lost the my way to anything.I dont plan to start another new life bcuz i knoe very well it juz will bckfire agn instead i will go on but i wan to shut down from every1.I do plan to get a nite job but i hvnt landed in one yet.
The last thing that 'he' said tat stayed in my mind n heart since tat day he said it was 'i love you bit i cant get into a relationship bcuz i dont hv faith in myself.'
I accept it bcuz neither do i hv enug faith for my own life.i barely cannot stand a day without him,its misery but i hv to.i dont know y but he can nvr seem to noe or understand me.
Everyhting happens for a reason but i think my life happens for no reason.i juz think i'm a waste to everybody's time.nobody cares if i did die or anything.i might juz be less of a burden if i disappeared.
My exsistance to him,frens , family and others r juz ntg n a waste of time.i'm juz a burden n an easily forgotten person.i can nvr be an important role in anything or in anyones life.