Complicated mind

They say when u meet the right person,ur senses starts to not make sense.Wad we read in novels when they tell u tat u will feel tat "zingy" feeling inside u or in other case ,ur stomouch stars to summer slault.we all thinl that is bullshit n crap but to many in the realistic world,they hv felt it b4.I definitely hv nvrr had tat feeling n I'm not a strong beleiver of it.I hv literally given up on relationships or those sweet love or watever since my 3rd relationship failed n tore me apart so badly.Since den I hv chosen a safe path but yet nw I am at my 5th relationship n its going down the drain,I feel it n sense it n there was no sparkle at all in my current relatinship.
Yesterday,a heart pounding n mind aching thing had happen,lil did I noe the pet brother that I always hv wan to protect from the likes of ppl like myself kissed me.I noe he likes me but I juz don't think I'm "d" gal for him.He is very sweet n honest n the innocents I see in him is still there n I really don't wan him to lose tat.I am not proud of wad I hv did in my past n I am not proud of my lifestyle nw.I don't want him to be hurt,I juz wan him to be happy.n nw, we r not in talking terms.I feel so guilty n I feel hurt at the same time tat our frenship has juz stop there,at tat night,at tat kiss.I wish things were the way they used to be,I wish he could juz understand how much he means to me but I can't make it more than tat bcuz I juz can't even understand wat I want.I hv a strange feeling for him but I juz don't know wad it is.The moment his lips touched mine,I was almost out of controll,I had to force myself to pull bcuz in the bck of my head,it didn't wan to stop juz there.he was right that I had second thoughts in my head at that moment but I cannot do it.its not the right time n not the right thing.- juz don't know wat to do n wad I want.I only wish nw tat we could heal bck our frenship.

The meaning of life

I am here in my work place,blogging with my bb~
I was juz thinking wad lifes meaning is?
Wad it would have been if I was still studying~
Wad would it be like in the next 30 years of my life...
I am 19 n I hv nvrr felt haPpier in my life,I hv loves n crazied it out n doing stupid things.I learnded a lot,but not enuh yet~i am satisfied but not so satisfied yet but I wanna noe wad holds in my twisted life is worth living for.

The meaning of life

I am here in my work place,blogging with my bb~
I was juz thinking wad lifes meaning is?
Wad it would have been if I was still studying~
Wad would it be like in the next 30 years of my life...
I am 19 n I hv nvrr felt haPpier in my life,I hv loves n crazied it out n doing stupid things.I learnded a lot,but not enuh yet~i am satisfied but not so satisfied yet but I wanna noe wad holds in my twisted life is worth living for.

Shishhhhhhh!!!!

Oh god!I juz got myself into a freaking boring talk!!stupid stupid!I didn't plan to spend my oFf day at a talk!now my whole off day is ruin!oh my god!!!I'm like having a super masive headache!oh how am I gonna have my off day a fun day~

Differences made in a short time

Yesterday was a dead beat tired day,after going out with one of my best fren (renee).we talked about almost everything since the last we met which is like half to a year ago.I realise how much changed in just a year.the time we hv no car to now we hv our very own car,the time when we were crazy bout a guy till now tat we can hide n shuv it a side.Obviously we grew a lot more mature but tat comes wit a price which is burden.we all grow n so as our burden...we each hv respective responsibilities.For u guys I don't know but for me is to pay my car on time n hv enuh money...O.o hahah...nah~those are juz mere things in life,wad really is different is how the way I live now,not so sad n desperate like last year(gud thing!),hv a stable income n live my life according me n not to please others.how about urs?hv u thought how fast time passes n wad has changed in a short amount of time? :) think about it,U'll open ur eyes even bigger when u think it through~
Last bt nt least a song dedicated to my past of a broken heart.

Love the way you lie,by enimem n rihanna.(This sopng speaks to me)
Go youtube it,hahah,bb is not all magic like a laptop:)

Blurting or expressing?Moody~

Today is a very moody for me.I don't know y but my feelings today are so heavy in my heart.I feel total lost of life's dirrection~My manager has been telling me so much of things happening in her life,its kois to her n is driving her to the brink of crazziness n soon to a pychitrist.I've been wondering maybe I am at the brink of losing it myself too!My mind can't just focus n I hv been thinking so much lately but abt wad ,just abt everything n it juz gvs me feeling of uncertainty.when I think of turning to a fren or any1,I thought through n there was no 1 in my list tat I could told.That made me feel even worse .0feelings r a heavy thing n dun wanna feel so heavy feelings,its such a heavy n endless burden inside me.I feel I can juz go jump of a building easily.
I hv been also poundering of my feelings tat r still stuck in the past,I don't y but I still hv a slight wound tat hasn't closed n maybe its ME!Maybe I hv been too stuborn to move forward when he already did.I don't know~I'm really starting to lose it.Losing the touch of reality n world infront of me.